The patterns that shape our closest relationships often have long histories. So do the ways we see ourselves.

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I work with people who find themselves repeating painful relationship patterns, struggling with intimacy or trust, feeling chronically inadequate, or having difficulty knowing who they are apart from what others expect of them.

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This might look like:

• repeatedly choosing unavailable partners

• difficulty setting boundaries

• a harsh inner critic that is never satisfied

• feeling responsible for other people's emotions

• difficulty trusting or depending on others

• feeling as though you're performing a version of yourself rather than living as who you actually are

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A distinctive part of this work is that our own relationship becomes useful material too.

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How you relate to me, what feels safe to bring up, what you expect from me, and where you hold back can sometimes mirror patterns from your other relationships.

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Working with those patterns directly, in real time, can create insight that talking about relationships in the abstract cannot reach on its own.

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Over time, the goal is greater freedom: the ability to make choices based more on who you are and what you want now, rather than on old expectations and familiar ways of protecting yourself.

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